Maria and I finally took a honeymoon. We spent ten days in beautiful, sunny Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

Yummy! I miss the sun!


Follow the link to the Flickr slideshow: Here

I got in on the grandparent scene just in time. Baby Sophia arrived at 5:14pm on October 25th at 10lbs, 8oz & 22 inches. She's beautiful and complete and perfect with ten fingers and ten toes. Shawna and Michael are doing well and are adjusting to life with their 'little' polynesian marshmellow (or Nana's Samoan Buddha).




Nana and Pappy can't wait to babysit and start spoiling her with attention.

So the day came off and everything miraculously came together. There are so many people to thank. We have tons of awesome friends! In that sense the day was not only about the love that Maria and I have for each other but also about how much we are loved. Here's a pic but there is also a gallery up on Flickr.




Follow the link to the Flickr slideshow: Here

Remember how I said I was training for the Hood to Coast Relay - the largest relay race inthe world?

Actually, I came out alright. In fact I did quite well. I ran all my legs and didn't have to stop and walk which was my only real goal. In other words, to not let my team down or otherwise embarrass myself. The rest was gravy.

My rookie status is now up. I am now a veteran of the world's longest relay race. We were encouraged to keep track of 'Roadkills' or how many we passed or were passed by when we were running our legs. Add or subtract accordingly as the case may be. I ended up with 53 kills which didn't appear all that noteworthy until I mentioned it to my teammates who freaked out. Apparently they never expected me to be so speedy.

197 miles, 1000 teams, 12,000 runners, 4000 volunteers, $200,000 for charity and one woman who needed CPR for eight minutes! As for our team - two vans, twelve runners, three legs each, 30 hours, uncounted bottles of water, two rubber butts, one very boring-looking water bottle with some very nice Makers in it, port-o-potties, band-aids, at least four new nicknames, cow bells ("More cow bell!"), sweaty socks, lack of sleep, disgusting soy energy bars, blisters, lost toenails, one very serious asthma attack and another serious case of heat stroke, chaffing, Ben-Gay, more spandex than you can shake a stick at (but also more people who have earned the right to wear it!), one very glistening hot guy that Nicole couldn't take her eyes off of and one very dark forest road at 4am with the next runner half a mile away and rustling in the trees (Eeek! What was THAT? Run Faster! Wait! I CAN'T run any faster!) and two acts of simulated masturbation (but not really).

The only way I can describe the whole experience is part marathon, part Burning Man and part Cannonball Run.

I'm still giggling about it all this morning.

According to my calculations I have exactly 31 days left of my bachelorhood.

It's lost bachelorhood in name only though since we are essentially married at this point anyway. Still, I like joking that I only have 31 days left to, in the words of the poet, "fuck anything that walks."

It must be an east coast thing (or maybe just a 7th Century thing carried forward to the east coast) to be wisked away to a den of prostitutes for your bachelor party.

Paul, thankfully, isn't that organized!

Still, any man willing to screw strippers at his bachelor party is probably going to screw them (or anything with hooves) after the wedding anyway. I just don't understand that tradition. Then again, I'm a new-age sensitive guy. Well, not entirely sensitive since I probably just offended strippers, prostitutes or both by not distinguishing between the two. (No worries though for two reasons: 1) enter 'Strippers can read?' joke here and 2) enter 'Strippers read Mike's blog?' joke there.)

Regardless of what legions of sex workers now despise me (marching forward in precise platoons of goose-stepping platform boots with seven-inch stiletto heels, a General Issue vibrator in one hand and change for a $20 in the other) I've found the only woman I ever wanted to really and truly get naked with!

So, in 31 days, we get to throw a big party for everyone we know to validate our feelings of mutual love and horniness for each other, albeit the expressions of horniness will have to remain in private, ya'know, for the sake of the children.

The rest of you will know what we're doing though. Later we'll post to You Tube.

Every weekend I'm greeted with bright-eyed Maria all perky and optimistic, "Only 'X' weeks until the wedding."

Then we look at the list.

If money hasn't been spent then no progress is being made. We have a cake and Maria has (an awesome!) dress. Invitations are mostly out and replies are coming. Friends and relatives are purchasing airline tickets. Rentals have been deposited. I even had a call from my brother Mark wondering if the laws of physics and theology might suddenly fail us all if mom and dad were in the same county together. Male formal wear. A bachelor party? Uhm...OK...

So much to do. I hope everyone drinks their fill of wine when the time comes.

OK, an update. Felix is conscious and moving. He has the cast off his arm and is recovering. He's in physical therapy at Emmanuel. He can talk and feed himself. He's alive and that's alot to be thankful for. Read the blog. It's much more hopeful these days than is was in early June. He's still got a long way to go though.

I wrote about crying the other day in reference to the wedding but then I heard about Felix and there really is a reason to cry now.

Felix Lilly is one of the kids from the old neighborhood when Marty and I still lived together. He is a little older than Alex and since he lives (I need to keep this in the present tense here) three doors down they often had play dates. He was always in our back yard on the swingset or in the street playing basketball. A couple of years ago they were on the same little league team. I remember cheering for Felix when he was up to bat even though he's on another team this year. They were in the same class at Edwards. They both are learning to play piano. Felix and his parents are people we've said hello to as we get in our cars or and talked to when we needed a break from weekend yard work. We've known them all for years.

On June 2nd Felix was at a birthday party at Laurelhurst Park when he fell twenty-five feet out of a tree. He's been in ICU at Dornbecker's ever since with a severe concussion and broken bones. He's drifted between hope and something other than hope. When I try to put myself in the place where his parents are right now I start crying.

Hopes and prayers to Felix and his family.

Mark Lilly, has been keeping a blog of their progress. It's really heart wrenching to read so please proceed with caution.

www.caringbridge.com (click on 'Visit Site' on the right and then type in 'felixlilly')

If you have kids, go hug them right now as if you will never see them again. Then be thankful that you will see them again. Be thankful they are OK.

I've decided to join the Extensis Hood to Coast Relay team.

There are two complimentary motivations here. First is that I want to look hot for the wedding. Second is that I've always wanted to run the Hood to Coast (or the Portland Marathon). The training for the race will surely get me hot in time for the wedding.

Now, as with any good story, there is a problem. The problem is that yesterday I ran for exactly one hour and fourteen seconds. You might think that extra fourteen second is hardly note worthy but, trust me, when you are at 59:35 every last second can be felt in every muscle and tendon, all of which are screaming 'We're TIRED!!!" today. Even my eyelids were rebelling this morning!

Fortunately for me the Chinese have spent eons chopping, grinding and ingesting every plant and animal part they could get their hands on and some time ago discovered the tea plant. Oh magical form of delicious caffeine I worship thee!

So if you haven't already heard, Maria and I plan to tie the knot on September 15, 2007 at the Helvetia Winery & Vineyard.

"I can't wait to start crying," I say in my best scarcastic monotone. I say that because I know I will start crying. I know it now, three months prior, and I knew it the moment it occurred to me that this was the woman I was going to marry. Sure, I'll be horribly embarrassed, but I will not be able to hold back. I'm mentally preparing myself for this.

Maria has a dress picked out and although I haven't yet seen her in it (of course), I have seen the dress. The crying will begin when I see I'm marrying the girl from the St. Paulie beer labels. (Oooow Yeah!) I have no doubts that she will look more sexy and lovely than Aphrodite french kissing Sophie Evans but that won't be why I'll be crying.

You see, I was the best man at a wedding once and when it came time to make the toast I spouted some poetry (as English majors like me are wont to do) and I spouted some love for the bride and groom. When I made mention of the children that they were sure have someday I thought of my own little boy and started bawling like a little girlie-man.

One theory is that I get teary-eyed when I consider how lucky I actually am.

For those attending, you can expect me to cry like a wholly-in-love imbecile when, in the midst of such ceremony and in front of our families and all of our friends, I see my darling, my Maria, walk down the isle, robed in her wedding dress, crazy in love with me, eyes sparkling, daring words to description, and more unreservedly beautiful than God and time are capable to deliver.

I'll be sobbing because I simply cannot believe my luck.


Check out where it will all happen: Helvetia Winery & Vinyard "http://www.helvetiawinery.com/index.php"

I'm glad Bacchus will be in attendance. Aphrodite will be there too. I'm hoping Athena has blessed the union and Ares and Eris stays the hell away. Eros already has the spare bedroom and plans to stay awhile. To everyone else, Marty is finishing the invitations and assembly and mailing will follow shortly.

Alright, we finally have some pics of us for the world to see.

Maria's a peach, ain't she? This was taken at Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah in St. Louis back in March, I believe. Kelsey is Maria's niece. She read the Torah but I have no idea how well she read it and neither did anyone else. The Cantor though rocked and I wanted to applaud every time he finished a portion of the ceremony. Bic lighter in hand, "Rock on Jew dude! Play Freebird!"

Have I mentioned how crazy I am for this wonderful Maria? She's crazy too but in a different way. ;-) She is simply the loveliest woman I've ever known. This one was taken at Christmas at my dad's house. I believe this was just before Kelli cornered Maria.

This pick if of the enormous deck in the back. There's actually much more green space than it looks. The smurfishly blue house will be colored anew sometime this summer (provided the HOA board hates the color as much as we do).

We still don't know what all the bulbs are that continue to sprout. However, the grass is turning green (or is that just a lot of clover and weeds growing now?)

This likely is going to be the best January EVER. Maria and I are seven days away from closing on our beautiful 5 bedroom / 2.5 bath house in Cedar Hills.

Only 12 more days ‘till Christmas is OVER!

In a way I hate to quash Maria’s enthusiasm for the holidays but I wish we could simply eat too much at Thanksgiving and then either sleep for a month until it’s all over or just wake up the day after Thanksgiving and have it be New Years Eve. I say we petition the government to declare the month of December void. We can let the kids know we’ll have their backs on their birthday. As for people with birthdays in December, f***-it! Who wants to know they are a year closer to death anyway? If only Jesus had taken that attitude we wouldn’t be in the position we’re in!

You’re welcome.

I once caused the end of a three-year relationship by opportunistically repeating the phrase "This is going to be the best Christmas EVER!" during an entire day of yuletide shopping.

Rosa Parks truly was the "Rosa Parks" of mass transit!

Damn these prosthetic paws! Curses!

With only one 'X' do the French get frustrated playing Scrabble?

I'm Mike, and I approved this message.

Let our dirigibles spread the fist of Communism!

What was Babe Ruth's all time steriod use record?

If I continue to eat only fruit I will NEVER die!

With your help we can fight CRD or Cranial-Rectal Displacement. Give Today!

Sorry, but I can't give you a 20% discount for being 'good looking'

I am Melvin! Lord-Protector of Clan Weasel.

Trust me, when Googling at work, Sophie Tucker and Sophie Evans are NOT the same!

A bus-load of human heads...still firmly attached.

The Platypus! Voted 'World's Weirdest Animal": 1825 AND 1951.

Breathe! The oxygen blocks the hate receptors in the brain!

"Disco-Bobulated" - (v.) What happens when a guy named Bob becomes too drunk to disco.

My tongue is not a marshmallow.

Excuse me but I need to find a restroom for my son. Alex needs to express himself through urination.

I want to work with Lepers in a Leprachan Colony!

What if God was super-hunky and we all wanted him for the WRONG reasons?

Sorry, but I'm busy factoring my delta.

The Amish! The (mostly) non-violent crazy Germans!

I accept Jesus as my Professional savior.

Error: Cannot Render Gender

I am Spatchelord - "Lord of the Spatula!"

Poorly marketed Christmas album: "Catchin' a wiff of Christmas!"